So many things have happened in the last few months. The best of which was my daughter getting married. So much planning and a lot of behind the scenes arranging travel for family and friends. My husband and I along with the help of the most amazing best friend helped move my daughter and her new husband from Washington state to their first apartment together in Kansas City. It has been amazing and overwhelming. I am so thankful to have been able to do this for them. Crazy as it may sound the past six months have been so wrapped up in traveling and planning that our daily lives have been in a hold pattern. But now home for a week we are slowly starting to regain our footing. Well, at least we are trying.

Today, was difficult. It has been over a hundred degrees for the last five days. I am still working in the house attempting to reclaim our house from the whirlwind of tearing it apart to move my daughters things out while moving ourselves back in. We had been gone for nearly three months and had collected some stuff in our travels. Joel was home for the weekend but had left this morning. Todays high temperatures came with high humidity which found us indoors and coupled with the expectation to move around some more furniture and boxes we were already asking for added frustrations. I found myself in a constant power struggle to get anything done so I turned to the trusted babysitter also known as the tv. This was great and in between meals, and potty breaks the magic picture machine bought me four and a half glorious hours of peace and I accomplished a multitude of tasks. The unfortunate outcome following that much tv viewing (especially for kids who on average watch about an hour or less of tv per week) was complete meltdown when the last show ended and I elected to switch the power off.

It was the end of the world. All three kids began wailing. The middle of which proceeded to wail “TV” for the following twenty minutes. It took everything in me to not lose my mind. How does something that seems so innocent become so addicting SO QUICKLY? I’m at a loss on this myself. After a few cuddles to help the four year old regulate we were back to creating and building with legos and fighting with each other (the boys). They also seemed to have lost the ability to listen and follow directions during that four hour viewing period. It was sheer insanity. Dinner time finally came and I had planned to make chili Mac for dinner using leftovers. This was a new meal but I felt fairly confident it would be well received. I’m here to tell you I couldn’t have been more wrong. The baby ate it. The boys decided it was “uscusting” (disgusting) before they even took a bite. I bribed them to eat their serving and get a cookie. Y’all, I am not the bribing type but I was just dying at this point. It worked. My mother in law won many a good battles with my husband this way and today I may have a slightly more positive outlook for this as an option.

After dinner, we transition right into bath and story time. This is a set routine that we have been doing for over four years. It is solid and we do it even when traveling or when the nights run long because routine is important. Al started good until I went to wash them. Jaxsen decided he was going to hold the soap hostage. I was literally arguing about the soap for a good three minutes. Finally, washed and dried I set the boys to retrieve their own clothes because I’m attempting to build independence. These boys are now on the floor one with undies the other still in his birthday suit in a full on reenactment of WWE Randy Savage style. By this time I am beyond over it. I tell them it’s over no stories, we are calling daddy. The call goes well and they seem to gain a little understanding as to why they lost their story time. After the I love you and good nights I tell them we are going to read one book. A book called “Fighting” by Joy berry. It’s a good one about sibling who are always fighting and hurting one another. They really seemed to listen and enjoy it. We ended our night discussing why it isn’t okay to fight and why I need them to be better listeners. Today I feel like I failed them and myself. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow I will recall everything that didn’t work today. Tomorrow we definitely won’t use tv well also because I told them I threw away the Roku. That will be an interesting conversation when daddy gets home. For now I will do my best to create a better environment and hope this heat wave ends soon because it is kinda making us all a little crazy.

Many years ago a once famed Miley Cirus performed a song titled “It’s the Climb”. To this day, every time I hear this song, it touches me deep inside my soul and brings forward many warm memories. This is ironic to me, seeing as this song came out during a very dark and lonely time in my life. I have endured many things in this journey called life and my climb has often been worth the hardships. Though lately, it feels as though the climb is never ending. More truthfully it feels as though the climb has come to an end and I am standing at the edge of the cliff contemplating my next move.  There are many ways over the vast and beautiful ravine below with its water rapids and large mountain rocks. I could hike up several kilometers and take the bridge that crosses over to the next path. I could use the gear and repel down the side and test the ropes and my own agility. There is the adventurous spirit of hang gliding and facing the fears within of falling.

As I stand here at the cliff’s edge wondering what I should do next, I am tempted to leap. I am uncertain what may become of such a treacherous action; Will I fall to my untimely death? Will I gracefully maneuver the rapids below like Harrison Ford in The Fugitive? Will it transcend me through time and space sending me to an alternate universe where things are less painful and make more sense? Could it be possible to step off of the cliff and find peace?  I am uncertain of what is on the other side of the cliffs edge, I just know that I must face it as the darkness is setting in and I can not turn back from whence I came.