It wasn’t that many years ago that I remember making the claim that I could kick my twenty year old self’s ass. My youngest child was seven and I finally had time to devote to myself….. Yes, for many those words seem impossible, but I am here to tell you that some day the crazy chaos of diapers, naps, spit up and toys strewn everywhere will fade and you will find yourself with time.

For me this meant I could exercise or spend hours at the thrift store (this may be a future blog), I could volunteer and not feel spread so thin or have to drag the younger siblings along.

I had been a distance walker for as long as I could remember. I lived in San Diego for a minute and would walk two miles to the beach daily, sometimes more than once. I absolutely love walking.

Have you seen the movie “What women want” with Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt? There is a scene were they are brainstorming and getting nowhere and Helen Hunt is thinking and running phrases through her head of what running means to her. She visualizes the open road and the crisp air, the feeling of freedom to go wherever she wants, the lack of judgement the road has for any number of things we find ourselves judged in and she comes to the slogan “No games, Just sports, Nike”. This was how I felt about walking. There were no judgements, no one to answer to, just myself and the open road.

Then one crazy day I was walking and quite frankly feeling a bit lazy (ha) and I thought “if I jogged just a little I could be done quicker” and so I picked up the pace and before I knew it I was running. Like “Run Forrest Run” running in the scene where his braces break off. I’m sure he looked more graceful than I did in that moment. But for the first time in my life I was running and not because something was chasing me.

Then before I even knew what was happening, running replaced walking, and I began to LOVE it. I grew stronger, I had more endurance. I started to incorporate weight lifting. I was tone and had developed muscle definition and best of all I had amazing energy and a bit of self pride. I mean seriously I was most definitely stronger and healthier at thirty seven, having given birth to and rearing five kids, four of them boys mind you, than I had been in my early twenties. Before my cells stopped reproducing at 100% and the wonderful process of aging truly kicked in.

Then something awful happened, I turned 40. Okay, okay let me rephrase turning forty wasnt awful but having my energy plummet and my metabolism slow was awful. My aches and pains increased. I struggled with eating the right foods and getting enough exercise and sleep.

Here is the thing, I’ve had a lot of things happen in the last five/six years. More than probably most people especially since I am no longer a mother of five but of seven, six of which are boys… Yes, I’m very gray up top now. Hahahahaha and I realize these things contribute to my lack of sleep, energy, sanity and daily functions.

But also I am 43, with five kids at home three teenagers, a preschooler and an infant. I dont have time for self care let alone to spend hours or heck, even thirty minutes doing “beach” anything. So instead my postpartum figure has taken the longest ever to recover. I’m carrying extra weight and am now understanding why vanity leads many to the surgical to fix what seems unfixable.

But you know what I watched the half time show of the superbowl this past Sunday and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Shakira turned 43 that day and Jennifer Lopez is 50 and hot damn were they living their best lives on that stage.

Pole work or dancing is hard and takes an amazing amount of core strength. And Jennifer Lopez is not a small, petite woman. I find her dedication to strengthen her body inspiring.

I was truly inspired by both of these beautiful women who have success stories and dedicate time and energy to looking and feeling their best. I can only imagine the controversy of their performances came from insecurity of those of you who have lost the drive for themselves. Although I viewed the performances differently I also realized that I had allowed my last few years to take from me something that I love.

You do not have to love running, or going to the gym or lifting weights. You dont even have to want to be “fit as a fiddle”. However, you dont get to let your lack of drive to do those things belittle the women around you who choose to do so. After all we are suppose to empower one another not the opposite. And just because we are over forty doesnt mean we are old.

So embrace Shakira and J-Lo and their incredible dedication to being the best versions of themselves. Praise their abilities and keep your own insecurities in check.

Now to dust off these running shoes and get back to something I once loved. I may be in my forties but that doesnt mean I’m old just means I need to work a little harder and make effort to show up for myself.

Aging is funny because I dont “feel” any older in my mind. I’ve gained wisdom, patience and experience but mostly I still feel like that same seventeen year old girl vibrant, crazy and ready to take on the world.