Each day begins with the rise of the sun, a new day, ready for footsteps not yet taken, paths not yet walked.  With each sunrise we are given a chance to change write a new chapter or even change our story completely.  Every day we wake with breath to breathe, we are given this opportunity and yet most of us are waiting for tomorrow.

I have wasted so many years of my life waiting for tomorrow……

“Tomorrow I will be strong enough to go back to school”,  “Tomorrow I will find the courage to walk away from my marriage.” “Tomorrow I will ask for help with this sadness I am feeling.” “Tomorrow I will………”  I have a hundred more things I have said that I will do tomorrow.  Have you ever heard the saying “Why put off to tomorrow what you can do today?”  It means there is no better time than now.  If you are wanting to change something in your life then get to it, now is better than later. This is true for so many things. There is one thing this doesn’t apply to and that one thing is grief. There is no magic formula, no certain number of days, tears shed, or anger spewed that will bring you out of the grief.
Honestly, I don’t know what will remove you from the grief or if that is even possible.
You can pretend, you can make people believe you are doing better or holding on. Those who are recovering from the same grief or something similar know that you are no longer fully yourself. You may have what appears to be good days or even weeks. You may laugh and you may even be able to smile. The untrained and unaware will most likely not see that there is something different about your smile, it doesn’t light your face the way it once did. No one notices the tears that swell in your eyes because you’ve learned to choke them down as quickly as they’ve come. You are lost in yourself and the inability to overcome the loss. You’ve changed.
Some of the changes have been good. You now understand the precious gift of time. The true value of friendship. The strength of others and the importance of love. You know that living is the most important thing one must do in this life. The words of 2 Corinthians 13 have a deeper meaning and understanding. Love is a gift and gifts are meant to be shared.
As I continue to process on this journey of life after death I have realized I am still waiting for tomorrow. I am waiting for a tomorrow that will allow me to be able to love again. A tomorrow that my heart will be willing to take the risk. A tomorrow where life can be shared and not feel so lonely. I am not sure if I will ever stop waiting for tomorrow but I know that life is meant to be shared. I will continue to process through the grief of losing my heart. Maybe someday I will wake up and be able to start a new day one where I take him with me but also allow myself the gift of life which includes love.
http://https://youtu.be/I0K2eW1JHzk