The bathroom cabinet was open. There was a variety of prescriptions for various ailments setting on the shelf.  I picked up the tall bottle and shook it. Little orange and white pills rattled to life. I swirled them and set them back onto the shelf. I counted the bottles, there were eight in all. I figured maybe a hundred pills in total: diuretics, and blood pressure levelers, sleeping aids, and so on. I wondered if a mix of these pills in large quantity might ease the pain.  Could I possibly escape this life with a multi-pill cocktail?  I reveled in the bliss of no longer feeling defeated, pained, heartbroken, unappreciated.  I let the thoughts of leaving this life and entering the next encompass me. Would he be there, would we find each other, would it be better than what I am enduring now?  I stared through the bottles and into my thoughts. A tear rolled down my cheek followed by another.  A small faint voice came from somewhere and said “who will take care of them? Who will protect them from the evil?”. The tears flowed steadily now and I returned to the room, closed the cabinet door, inhaled slow and deep.  I wondered in that moment what takes a person to the edge and then let’s them step from the side of the cliff?  I have many times in this life felt l had to much being asked of me. I’ve been completely and utterly overwhelmed.  I have wondered what it might feel like to take life into your own hands and decide when and how it should end.  And I have always been able to realize that living the life I have is so much more rewarding than ending it would be. 

We live in a time of speed and connectivity in a cyber based world. We are connected through text based relationships and electronic interaction.  We are more connected to people than we have ever been and yet people suffer from great loneliness. People seeking attention that in a yesterday twenty years ago they would not have felt so greatly.  Having 800 friends on your Facebook and none in real life is a sad and disheartening reality for many.  This cyberspace existence allows anyone to create a life an  illusion of what they might perceive others would want to believe.  It is unbelievably easy to portray great happiness, love, friendships, Family dynamics etc. when in reality this may be a far stretch from the life this person is living.  And this is double edged sword because it may not be that the author of these posts is attempting to deceive but that the reader perceives a much healthier, happier life than is actually being lived.
     When I was married, I was miserably unhappy for nearly seven years, I spent my days wrapped up in everything that brought me joy and happiness: My children. Though inside I was lonely, broken, and defeated. Reserved to the reality of this being how life was to be. This  included a firm and permanent belief that romantic love did not exist. In fact I was so strong in this belief that  being subjected to anything portraying love had me saying things like “gag me” or “love is a b. s. Illusion”.  People just laughed and took my words for sarcasm. It is after all a language I speak fluently. But no one really saw, I mean truly saw the pain hidden deep within. I had do gooders who would offer advice on how to make my marriage better. I read my bible, prayed for change, attended counseling, read books and although they all had great advice it didn’t work in fact it just set me into a deeper belief that love was something unreal and that I was destined to be miserable.   When I found the strength and courage and left my marriage so many people on the outside were shocked.  They couldn’t understand what would lead me to make such a choice. I had so many people say “you appeared to be happy and have it all”.  “You have such a beautiful family, nice house, loving husband” what is it that you aren’t happy about.   You see they couldn’t look past their own perceptions of what love marriage and happiness looked like.  So they imposed those perceptions into my life and were unable to see the truth. The raging waters just beneath the surface.To which they only saw as calm and serene.

Mine is only one example of a variety of hurts, brokenness, issues and so on that are taking place right before your eyes.  And unfortunately you, me, we are not seeing them.  So what happens?  You receive news of a friend or acquaintance who has stumbled and fallen into the raging waters that you couldn’t see. They have become drug addicts, alcoholics, adulterers, or worse they took the ultimate road of brokenness and stopped their own pain. They committed suicide.  It is a truth that we feel the pain of for a moment when it enters into our small circles. We talk about it and question if there is something we could have done. We shake our heads and we say things like “she should have told someone” we make excuses, we pass judgement.  What we fail to do is change our interactions. We continue to travel on our paths of life without taking the time to make sure that we truly could have done something. Believe it or not you can be the light in someone’s day by simply reaching out and being kind, genuine and sincere.  It may not save everyone but taking the time to offer to meet for coffee for a “friend” on your social media who seems to be asking without asking.  Maybe your neighbor recently changed their habits and you’ve noticed the light is no longer shining in their eyes. Leave some flowers or a note card that says “I wanted you to know I think you’re doing great.”.
Human interaction is becoming a lost art.  We have fallen into a cyber based super speed existence and in its wake we are seeing people who are lost, broken and hurting.  So the next time you find yourself sitting in a public area devouring yourself to the scroll button of your cyber based life. Consider putting down the electronics bringing out your smile and striking up a conversation with a complete stranger. You never know that one small simple act may just keep them from sinking into the troubled waters raging just beneath the surface you can’t see.