The days come one after the other. They are fast and slow. They bring feelings of joy, fear, sadness, and tears. There is life all around weddings, births , new discoveries and adventures. There is also death and loss, hurt and pains. There is sadness so strong that it pulls like the undertow of the sea. That sadness leads to one place so far removed from all the laughter, joys and happiness: The Abyss.

I’ve been drawn towards the abyss on many occasions. I lived in its entryway the first few weeks after the world as I loved it ended.  I’ve contemplated greatly the desire within to walk through its doors and let it encompass my body,heart,mind and soul. To live within its void. To let go of all the hurts and be at peace.  Some days the calling of the abyss is so strong the belief of its promises so great it is hard to turn away……..

   It is the smile on my children’s faces. The kindness of a stranger, the beauty of a sunset that keep me from entering the abyss.  The hope for a future without great pain. A future of possibilities for healing, second chances, for love.  With each passing day the distance between myself and the abyss becomes greater and the desire to live strong deeper.  I am not sure where to go from here, or what tomorrow will hold all I know is that although the abyss can be appealing I promise I won’t fall to its temptations.