Day 5:
Sleep is a funny thing as it both eludes and overtakes me. Exhausted I laid in bed praying and crying.  I attempted to distract myself watching a movie on the IPad. I awoke startled feeling like someone was there. Zoe was snoring. I removed the IPad from my chest, rolled over and I heard my phone receive a text. A bit of adrenaline shot through my body. I decided if it was emergent the phone would ring. I drifted back to sleep.

I found him in my sleep again. He was strong. He held me close and told me he loved me. We sat together. I felt a calming within.  My dreams shifted and he was no longer there. I awoke several times through the night trying to find him again but he wasn’t there.

He had been fairly stable throughout the night. The bleeding didn’t subside but it was much less. The outlook was promising to be transferred to the University hospital.  It was a long day of waiting for everything to come together. He was much more interactive and responsive. He gave me a dirty look after I told him he couldn’t get up and walk to the bathroom. His sister and I both laughed at his reaction. He nodded yes when I said I wished I could climb in the bed next to him, and he moved his arm completely across his body when I asked him to hold my hand.

Things weren’t exactly better but we were all full of hope when they confirmed he would be transferred at five o’clock.  The let me stay with him while they unhooked all twenty of his wires, gadgets, I.V.’s, etc. The transfer team were extremely kind and caring. They allowed me to walk with them all the way to the ambulance. I kissed him and told him one more time to have an uneventful ride over the the UW.
The Ambulance bay had a perfect view where I captured a couple pictures of the beautiful sunset he would be “riding” off in.

I went home to take care of Zoe and let her know he was doing okay. During my drive I talked with a dear friend and my sister: both of which let me cry, rant, vent and process the past several days.

I missed my exit and didn’t realize until I had bypassed it by five miles. I got myself turned around took the correct exit and found the hospital. The following twenty minutes would include three trips circling the hospital attempting to find the “right” parking garage. After parking twice and not being in the right place I called his sister. Instead of hello I started the call with “I’m about to have a breakdown over parking” She laughed and talked me to the right garage and up to his bedside.
When I arrived I learned he had remained stable for the ride over to the University of Washington. Yay! This was great news. They were giving him fluids and keeping him stable. The docs came in and said the would be extubating him soon. I was thrilled to hear this.

At just after 11:00p.m. They removed the breathing tube.  He was alert and talking.  He was slightly disoriented ( he thought he could get up and walk) and he kept getting frustrated that I wouldn’t help him get out of the bed ( I am so mean :D). I asked him if he remembered me laying with him and he shook his head yes and clearly said “You still can”. They had some pretty good meds keeping him comfortable and he would drift off then wake up and say something that would make his cousin and I laugh.

One of the doctors came in and said they wanted to perform another endoscopy to look (again) and see if they could find the source of the bleeding. She apologized and said that they would need to intubate again. I was less than pleased. When I told him their plan, he said “No” and I told him I didn’t want it either. They assured that this time they would take it out as soon as they were done.
I couldn’t help but cry, there was relief being able to hear his voice and to kiss him. I feared they would leave him intubated for days again. He looked over as the tears poured from my eyes and he so gently raised his hand to my face and said “I’m gonna be okay,I love you”. The tears continued.  I kissed him. The doctor came in and explained to him the procedure and he nodded yes.  He looked over to me and said “make sure you tell my parents”. I told him they already knew. He said “thank you” and drifted back into his pain medication.

I made my way down to the waiting area with his cousin, plopped onto the couch and I sobbed. She asked me what my biggest worry was and I said “I honestly dont even know anymore”. We talked about what could have been done differently (if anything) to avoid being here now. We agreed even if it had only been a few hours it was great to have had the ability to talk with him. We talked about the events of the past few days. We sat silently staring off, lost in our own thoughts.
Finally I gave up the fight and found three hours of restless sleep.