I’ve walked through this life with what my mother likes to call “rose colored glasses”.  Unfortunate situations arise bad things happen but somehow I’m always ready to rally for the positive. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing it’s just a good window to see me for who I am. I have my down trodden moments, I feel like giving up, and I have been guilty a time or two of negative thoughts. No amount of positive ( or negative) thinking ever prepares you to have someone you love fighting to live.

I wanted ever so badly to believe it was just food poisoning, or the flu.  He knew better.I heard it in his voice when I answered the phone. ” Baby, I’m not doing so good”. Something in his tone worried me.  After discussing what he had been experiencing we agreed a phone call to the doctor was a good idea. He called back after talking with them and sure enough they wanted him to come in for lab work and a stool sample. I told him I would be on my way shortly. Neither of us were prepared for what was just around the corner.

February 12, 2015 Day 1:
The lab work told them he was bleeding internally and they would need to do an emergency “scope” to see where the blood was coming from.  Scrambling to secure care for the kids we arrived to the hospital just before 5:00p.m.
Things went south quickly after arrival. He was vomitting blood. They rushed him to a bed in the ER department. My adrenaline was in full swing.  I made a  phone call to his parents to see how long they would be.  I held his hand and kissed him. He assured me he was going to be okay……..

February 13, 2015 Day 2: The scope discovered bleeding from his varicees in his lower intestine. The news was grave. Anything they could do to help him came with severe risks. I cried, his parents cried, his sister cried. But in the end we all agreed that he would want the surgery.
I’ve never faced anything so difficult before. He was sedated and intibated when each of us took our turn to tell him we love him, stay strong, fight to live.
The surgery took nearly six hours, I cried a thousand tears and prayed a thousand prayers.
Divine intervention allowed his mother and I a one on one conversation of the procedure with the surgeons. The doctors said the procedure took longer than anticipated but it went exactly as it should. The next several days will be tenuous but God willing the procedure would stop the bleeding.
We went home attempted rest and hoped for the best. Sleep eluded me. I saw him in my dreams. I asked him to keep fighting. I told him I needed him. I told him I love him.

February 14, 2015 Day 3:
The swelling had decreased, he looked better. He had been stable through the night and there was hope to remove the breathing tube later in the day.  I spent most of the day by his side. My hand on his heart and running my fingers through his hair. I cried, I prayed, I hoped and I loved him even more.  This man who had come into my life at my darkest hour and rescued me. Showed me love, compassion and kindness. Awakened life and new beginngs.  I wanted to be no where other than by his side, encouraging him to fight,stay alive and get well.
He turned sometime late afternoon, it had become clear he was bleeding again, concern furrowed the brows of the hospital staff, my heart worried, the tears returned.  The doctors began treatment hoping he would stop bleeding and then started they monitored and I prayed.
It was 11:00p.m. when the ICU nurse with firm kindness told me I needed to go home, eat, and rest.  It was hard to leave but I listened. Sleep was restless. I was looking for him in my dreams, he wasn’t there.